P.M.S Auction

Previous auction Sold

Lolo: "Ladies and gentlemen welcome back to the second semi annual... umm Ash? What the hell is this thing called?"

Ash: (pressing a cold compress over her eyes leaning back in a chair) "Sh sh sh I'm not even here."

Lolo: (waits patiently then gets up from chair and flicks Ash's forehead) "Pay attention."

Ash: (throws compress on the floor and glares at Lolo) "You have a death wish woman?!?!"

Lolo: (hands Ash frappaccino)

Ash: (whimpers) "Oh my god I love you."

Lolo: "Now, what the hell is this thing called?"

Ash: "How to demean yourself in one easy step"

Lolo: "Ash..."

Ash: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to our second semi annual Peddling of Mates in Saudi, or what we lovingly dub PMS..."

Lolo: "Woman that's just nasty"

Ash: "You asked for it. As it so happens today is ladies night, that's right a lovely gathering of ladies young and old..."

Lolo: "Extinct."

Ash: "Have come to see our selection of males, that's right, men. The auction itself will begin momentarily just as soon as...

Lolo: "I really should be down there, poor things must be so nervous."

Ash: "Jee I didn't know you cared so much."

Lolo: "I don't but someone might have fallen on their tush and need a kiss to make it better."

Ash: "Oddly enough I don't know if I should be horrified or proud, lets take a look at our guests."

Lolo: "Oh...My...God!"

Ash: "It cant be."

Lolo: "It is."

Lolo & Ash: "The brides of Frankenstein."

Ash: "To all our viewers who are going "huh?" The brides are a couple of skinny assed girls who are actually 5"2 but look 5"7 due to the fact that the hair is puffed up to the point where it defies logic by not leaning to one side."

Lolo: "I am telling you, there is a sock in there."

Ash: "Wonder what they look like on a bad hair day?"

Lolo: (chuckles) "Evil. Front row has been overtaken by the Bimbo Quartet, and they are apparently here to actually bid."

Ash: "Aren't they 18?"

Lolo: "Yep, I'm guessing it's the, marry young divorce and have fun thing."

Ash: "OH, OH, OH,"

Lolo: "I told you to take it easy or you'll get brain freeze."

Ash: "No, look who just walked in, Ancient Head Mistress!!"

Lolo: "You don't think..."

Ash: "I don't even want to think about it. (puts on sunglasses) There's 1000Watt smile...

Lolo:" You know Ash you really should..."

Ash: "You are not taking my Chanel's."

Lolo: "They're old."

Ash: "Antique."

Lolo: "They look better on me."

Ash: "Drop it. (screams) Aaaaahhhhh she's here, oh YAY!! Now this is going to be sooooo much fun."

Lolo: "Whose here? What? You mean that pretty one in the second row?"

Ash: "Yep, she's Um al Duwayce, she's my idol."

Lolo: "Ok I'm not even going to ask."

(The auctioneer comes out onto the stage)

Lolo: "Alright i'll bite, Ash? You're not a lesbian are you?"

Ash: "Tsk, tsk woman. Alright first item..."

Lolo: "Victim"

Ash: "The Emotional Retard, his skills are as follows, knowing nothing of the female psyche, selfishness, an inept skill at dragging people through the muck with him just so he can step on them, leave the muck of his doing and ditching them leaving them to clean up the mess..."

Lolo: "Tell it as it is girl."

Ash: "Say hallelujah and I will slap you. His hobbies include, treachery, evilnessnessness AND a certainty of causing heartache."

Lolo: "Why would any woman want that."

Ash: "Cause woman want what's bad for them. Alright their bringing him out..."

Lolo & Ash: "Ohhh."

Ash: (hands Lolo a tissue) stop drooling. Bidding has started at the minimum 30,000."

Lolo: "Eeewweee, the Ancient head mistress put in a bid of 50,000 god that's just wrong."

Ash: "The Bimbo's aren't bidding, I'm guessing their holding out for the Stud."

Auctioneer: "Going once for 50,000. Twice..."

Um al Duwayce: "80,000."

Ash: "YES!!!!"

Lolo: "Why are you so happy? Who the hell is that woman?"

Ash: "She's a succubus (grins) She loves to chop off men's heads."

Lolo: "No way."

Ash: "Way, and not the one on their shoulders either, she's got this trick where she (whispers the rest in Lolo's ear)"

Lolo: "Oh my God she's got WHAT down there?"

Ash: "Teeth. Shush they're bringing out the next guy, the Socially Handicapped Genius, lets see he's a..."

Lolo: "Wait look at that, he's blushing, aaawwww."

Ash: "Bids have started and it seems that 1000Watt Smile is in the game to win, she just out bid the Frankenstein Brides."

Lolo: "Probably wanted him to make another Frankenstein, Hey you think the Dr. ever gave him a you know..."

Ash: "Why? Why would you even think about that?"

Lolo: "Eh... The Scocially Handicapped Genius has just gone to the woman with the 1000Watt smile. Did you ever see the episode of friends where Ross whitened his teeth?"

Ash: "I don't think they have a black-light here. Next up is The Sexy Stud, I'm still betting that the Bimbo Quartet are holding out for him.

Lolo: "You know what I think, their doing a joint bid."

Ash: "Ewwee. Where on earth do you come up with these things?!"

Lolo: "Uh oh. I feel trouble coming, Ancient Head Mistress is getting up to the auctioneer and taking the mike."

Ancient Head Mistress: "250,000 for the Stud, anyone of you little whores want a go at him now!!"

Lolo: (falls of chair in a fit of laughter)

Ash: "Well the woman knows what she wants. Hold on, there's an announcement being made to the audience, our last male the Billionaire Old Geezer has just been pronounced dead."

Lolo: "I should have known, The Bimbo Quartet are crying.

Ash: "They actually look heartbroken."

Lolo: "You'd be too if you were this close to getting millions."

Ash: "Well then both Lolo and I bid you a due, with the voices of teenagers crying over money, a grown man begging not to be raped by an old woman and another about to be be-headed..."

Lolo: "Nasty."

Ash: "This is the end of this years 2nd Semi Annual PMS auction."

Lolo: "Good night and good luck."

Ash: "No more movies for you."


Note: Insanity IS the sexiest blogger, runners up are Ahmed and to my utter disbelief 3zayez